Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Best of 2012

Yeah, I'm like every other movie reviewer on the planet. So what? I'm funny and I say more than "it sucks don't see it". 2012 was definitely a surprise. There were so many movies that I was excited to see that were a complete disappointment, but there were quite a few that were true masterpieces. A couple of you might ask me why I'm not doing the worst movies first. It's because that is a much longer list, and I believe ending the year on a more realistic note. Without further ado, let's get into the best of 2012.

5. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
I feel like the only person on this earth that liked this movie, but screw you it's my list. When I see a movie, I'm not looking for Oscar material (although number 1 definitely is). I want to be entertained. I want to laugh. I want to care about the characters and whether they live or die. I felt that way watching this. It's great action, it's funny and it's just something different. I'm all for something that's different and not most of the 2 hour time wasters that are being churned out at a rapid rate (I'm looking at you, Prometheus).

4. The Watch
It's Superbad level of raunchy comedy with aliens. How could you not think that's hilarious?

3. The Expendables 2
A true action flick with so much action it will make your testicles explode. It's gory and violent and Stallone is pretty hot. Do not judge me. I think Van Damme hasn't been speaking English for a few years because his accent is very thick. It works, but it makes anything he says unintentionally funny. That aside, this is the only good action flick of 2012.

2. The Avengers
You knew this was going to make the list. What else can I say about it? It's pretty much the perfect movie. As much as I love this one, there's one that beat it by a hair. So what is it? What do I consider to be the best of the best? Well...

The number 1 movie of 2012 is:
It's a horror movie, and the ONLY good horror movie of 2012. God bless you, Joss Whedon. This came out of freaking nowhere, and I love it. They managed to keep this movie so under wraps that the trailers barely gave anything away. I was actually stunned. It's a great script, the cast is incredible and best of all it restored my faith in film making. It's a break from the norm that us horror fans needed. So thank you Joss for making sure 2012 didn't completely suck.

Honorable Mentions (The "Meh" Pack):
The Dark Knight Rises
I wanted to like this one so badly. I just can't. It's not bad at all. But it is way too long, and I couldn't help but feel like I was watching 2-3 movies all stuffed into 3 hours. Bane is the most terrifying villain I've ever seen, but I wish they had done something different with his voice. It just sounded too cartoon-like to me. If they had spent a little more time on it, it would have been a better movie, and it would have made this list.

I'm very on the fence about this one. It starts off great, then it kind of takes a hard left. Then there are all these glaring plot holes. Even if you don't quite the whole concept of time travel, you just know the events laid out in the movie don't make any kind of sense. So you end up sitting there trying to figure out what the hell they're talking about. It's distracting, and it makes your head hurt. It's a great script in theory and the cast is spectacular, but what they came up with just wasn't quite all there.

I know what you're thinking. It's a kid's movie with zombies, so based on my other reviews I should love it, right? Not quite. It's not horrible, but I felt like it was borderline adult in subject matter. There were so many jokes and concepts that the average kid that sees this just won't get. It kind of takes away from the fun of it all. Also, it's pretty damn terrifying for a kid's movie.

Wreck-It Ralph

Oh I am not going to gain any new fans for this one. It just wasn't that great to me. I mean it's semi entertaining, and there's a great twist at the end. But the moments in between are just too long and pointless to me. Maybe it's because I'm not a huge video game fan. It's just the definition of "meh" to me.

There you have it. That's my list. Love it? Hate it? Did I miss a movie or two? Let me know in the comments. In the meantime, stay tuned for the worst of 2012. That's...going to hurt me and you.