Tuesday, November 26, 2013
I found this on some list about the most sexually explicit horror movies. Me being the pervert that I am, I had to check it out. Surprisingly, it's currently available for streaming on Netflix. It's a French film from the 70s about, well a female vampire. So creative, I know. She's mute, and goes on vacation at some villa and kills random people. But she's not exactly the normal kind of vampire. That would've been a better movie.
The one we're forced to deal with kills people by first screwing them, then sucking out their life force through their genitals. You read that correctly. I'm just going to guess that this was softcore French porn from the 70s that was marketed as a mainstream movie. How else could they get away with nonstop graphic shots of women that are apparently allergic to razors? It gets to the point where there's absolutely nothing scary or sexy about it. The main character never wears clothes, and has several unnecessary masturbation scenes. I have to say those were hilarious because she just rolls around and humps inanimate objects or her dead victims.
The editing is horrible. It's between hairy vagina closeups or blurry outlines of faces. And I believe there's only 20 minutes of dialog out of an hour and 40 minutes. Considering I review actual films and not cheap porn, there's not much I can say about this. This gets a 0. There's nothing except vagina, boobs, and awkward sex scenes. And the constant unneeded zoom in shots were just disgusting. Yes, vampires are supposed to be sensual and intriguing. But when they're always naked and can only feed by humping? That's not a vampire. It's a succubus knockoff. If you want a movie to add to your porn collection, this is perfect. For the rest of you that just want a decent vampire flick, check out Fright Night or Stake Land.